After the New Year, I haven't written any essay for myself or expressing my emotion. I just have no energy and motivation to do anything. Sometimes I really hope I can do something, and say something. However, everything becomes so complicated for me, and I could not handle any of them. For example, my PhD. program might not accept my credits which I have taken at UNC since last fall. Additionally, they, ridiculous, are going to point out my supervisor and want me to change my research direction. As an intelligent, how can I give up and what I want to study? One of them once pointed out my research is not multicultural approach, but a communication approach. All of these are like the bugs flying into my mind. That really make me to think if I need to stop or not. I seldom tell people about my headache; it occurred since 2006 when I was teaching in GVIS. I just cannot stop it. I hope before it become terrible or unrecoverable, I need to do something to recode the story of the 43 structures in my classroom.
Dr. Chang told me that I can be an excellent professor even better than her; however, I just so afraid about I do not have enough ability to do it.
I don't even have any brave to do it right now. Hopefully, I will find some paths to face it. If I really can wake wish, I would like to finish my PhD in other University, and try to do my best to empower our world in any possible ways.
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